Vital vs Viral. Visibility ain't Always Value, and Vice Versa.

If no one could reward or punish you, who would you actually be....

“Where have you been?” “What are you doing?” “Why aren’t you posting more?”

Yo, if I found a dollar every time that question’s been asked since that Law of Attraction video went viral, I could probably buy a Center City block. Possssssible, slight exaggeration lol but you get the idea.

& I rarely answer it. Not because I’m necessarily hiding anything, but because the question itself is kind of shallow. And there’s no shallow way to really answer it, for me at least. To be honest fam, I don’t really enjoy creating from pressure. Whoever coined the phrase “Pressure makes diamonds” never mentioned the precision, perspective, or timing it takes as well. With that being said, I try not to move from a sense of urgency with everything always changing constantly, and I don’t want to treat my gifts like an f***in content machine.

I’ve always done my best to communicate deeply and if you’ve ever heard my work, you'll understand it’s not because it was "cute" or trendy or therapeutic to do it, but because it’s the only place I was actually listened to. Quality over quantity was never a branding strategy for me, when I never even had the same resources the next person did to begin with…. it was a form of survival tactic… creatively.

When that feature performance (Law of Attraction) went viral, the followers jumped, the DMs went crazzzyyyyy, and of course the comments were MOSTLY folks resonating OR just projecting, which comes with sharing your art. But for months/years afterwards, people tried forcing me into this “Influencer Assembly Line Agenda” lol ie. books I “needed” to read, rooms I “needed” to be in, strategies they swore would turn me into “overnight sensations” but never even aligned with me, my schedule, my desires, my goals, my vision…

But the real source of it all is,

Bro. I don’t care.

And not about the support, that's always been humbling, and a safe space tbh. And not about the people who resonate with my work born out of hard ass seasons. But about the expectation. The constant tug for visibility. The performance of being a performer, the pretending. The pressure to package myself for consumption when THAT IS NOT ART. NOR PURPOSE. 

Realistically, here are a few things I learned early AF in my childhood (unfortunately)til now…. People who shine online or outside, often have tendencies to crumble at home. Industries, cliques, communities turn on you the moment you stop fitting their hologram version of you. “PEOPLE” love you until the second they don’t. And this man made hustle culture has created generations who confuse motion with mastery, and we know this. 

While I’ve obviously spent years socializing, I’ve also been behind the scenes, observing, watching enough to know I’d rather build slowly with intention than fast with instability at this point. & Notice I said “watching enough to know”. Because without observation, we have imagination. And of course we all imagine building fast. But when you just get still for a sec, you learn to prune than pretend. I’d rather miss an algorithm trend, than lose myself shorty.

If I think social media is loud, or repetitive, or distracting, I step back. If I feel people moving from self-interest or manipulation under the guise of networking and socializing, you won't see me around.

Life is real.

People are constantly unraveling and rebuilding at the same time. Families are forming and breaking everyday. Every current war outside, mirrors another war inside some other place, thing, or person. There’s. So. Much. Going. On.

& How is everyone overloaded with content, but still starving for meaning!? Make it make sense.

Technology & algorithms shift daily.

Attention spans are clearly shrinking.

And so many are “figuring it out” publicly, without realizing figuring and knowing aren’t even the same thing.

"Costume Jewlery".

“Look around and you’ll see that everyone is pretending”.

And the moment you forget that, you’ll get swallowed up. 

So when I say I don’t care, it’s NEVER about the people who genuinely support me. And have been. It’s about rejecting the expectation that I should show up when I’m not grounded, pretend when I’m not aligned, or produce when I’m in the middle of mastering something privately.

My real audience has never been the ones chasing aesthetics or pretending that incense, gym selfies and houseplants are spiritual development.

My audience are the realists and the late bloomers.

The ones with a life full of “what the fucks” who still somehow manage to turn that into discernment, depth, innovation, art or SOMETHING.

The ones who didn’t get a head start, silver spoon but still aren’t interested in performing wellness to compensate.

So to finally answer the question, or as your professor would call it "in conclusion," :

If I’m not posting, I’m not gone.

“A Bull resting, grazing, sleeping in the meadow, is still, at the end of the evening, a Bull.’

I’m not lost.

I’m actually not even inconsistent.

I’m mastering something.

Or pruning.

Or preparing.

Or SIMPLY choosing peace over the pressure to be seen.

That’s the real answer.

& Thats the price of choosing yourself in this lifetime. 

- Signed, Ci.

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